Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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