the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
two words...techno handjob
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think weed is turning my hair brown
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
