I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
