dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
