You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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