if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
