Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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