the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
