I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
