Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
