Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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