i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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