**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
PANTIES FOUND
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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