I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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