I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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