I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize