i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We smell like vodka and hangover
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