imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
