Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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