Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
