We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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