K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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