grandma shit on top of the toilet
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
NoShamevember. You game?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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