Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Even the bartender felt bad for me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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