i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
