Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
