whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
