its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
