sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize