I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
