No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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