haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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