I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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