My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
