if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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