I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
