I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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