I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
