I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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