is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
