when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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