her vagine was all disorganized.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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