Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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