Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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