It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
