see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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