My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
