I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
