ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
