Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
