I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
