a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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