Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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