I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
