how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize