No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
