If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
