I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
