omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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