I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
