dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
