if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
