I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
