i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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