Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize