I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He shit in the fireplace
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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